"Look at me when I'm crying!"
When last we met I mentioned that I would be turning the camera on myself. I should have known better. I knew this week would be busier than usual. My day job required more time and attention than I would have liked, but it wasn't a surprise. I knew we'd be short staffed, and I knew, given the work, I'd be B to the E to the A to the T...BEAT, and I'd make no time to take photos of myself. Why did I commit? I wasn't paying attention. It's that simple. I was moving right along adding to my List of Life thinking I could do it all; however, when the realization hit that I was just too spent for photography, I wasn't kind to myself, and the battle began to keep my head held high, and avoid indulging in self-pity. Even writing it makes me feel cheap: Self-pity. It is so ugly, and in my business we don't do ugly. Besides, it's also ridiculously boring, and there's no real payoff for me or anyone else. It's not like people would line up to see it, and somehow I could make money off this indulgence. Although, I am quite dramatic and well spoken, and while the ass is still high and tight for my age, it's not enough to sell tickets for anything even if the show is "Watch Me Cry & Drop My Pants!" No one cares.
In the past, when I allowed for self-pity, I would have wallowed, and wallowing would have involved some emotional eating, and allowing myself to fall into a bottomless gin martini. This time, there was no wallowing. Just me taking a beat to catch my breath, and asking myself, "This is good because...." and then filling in the blank. This methodology is nothing new. I learned it from author, speaker, and life coach Jen Sincero. If you don't know her, and you need a kick in the ass, Google her. Initially, I didn't think it would work. Just sounded like witchcraft. In the past, I might have answered with something like, "This is good because I had a hard day, and now I get a gin and tonic. Yay!" Instead, I answered with, "This is good because I needed some rest after a REALLY demanding week. Something had to give." Turns out, when I take time to fill in that blank, I get perspective, and with perspective I learn something, or gain some sort of insight. and then move on. The insight being? I still showed up, and got a lot of work done. I still showed up for my day job. I still did my coursework. I still kept my appointments. I still filed my taxes for God's sake! Not bad considering just 48 hours prior I thought myself a failure, and all hope was lost. Silly boy.
So, no more promises when the plate is full. I'll stay the course, prioritize, and when I have time for that self-portrait, or whatever it might be, I'll get 'er done. I've got much to do before I give notice at my day job on August 17th. There's no time for wallowing in self-pity; there's only time for hard work, and small celebrations along the way...with a few of those gin and tonics. CHEERS!